Making sense of the singles scene is hard enough the first time around. For single parents, the widowed, the divorced and the never married, the trials and tribulations of dating can be even tougher to bear.

It's a cliché, but to find true love, you have to shop around - easier said than done when your job and children barely leave you with enough time for a trip to the supermarket.

It is not just a matter of time, or lack thereof. After a divorce, or the traumatic loss of your life partner, you may not be emotionally ready for dating.

If you don't feel ready, don't worry. Take your time and don't rush into situations you may not be prepared to handle. Time will eventually heal all wounds and, once you resolve your issues, the singles scene will still be there waiting for you.

Things may have changed quite a bit since you were last single and looking. But don't panic, the underlying goal remains finding someone compatible with your interests and beliefs. Good attitude and a good sense of humor are still desirable at any age.

So where do you start the search?

You might consider signing up for an adult education class. Many single men and women meet once a week to learn about cooking, crafts, careers, computers and more. These courses are a great way to find someone with similar interests.

If shared religion is important to you in a significant other, volunteering your time to the various bazaars, picnics, pancake breakfasts and fundraisers your church holds from time to time is a good way to meet someone who fits the bill. You just have to have a little faith.

Join a local gym or athletic club. If you don't happen to meet someone special, at least you will be healthier.

There is also the option of joining a personal introduction service. If you are careful and selective, joining a service that is both reputable and popular, you may find that their expert matchmaking abilities can seek out either a pleasant date or perfect mate. A top-notch introduction service will offer background checks to ensure that Mr. Right doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right-Out-Of-Prison. With a database of available singles -- and the ability to match interests and personality traits - a dating service may be able to greatly reduce the time it takes for you to meet someone special. It will still take some time and effort to find true love, but at least such services can open doors for you and maximize your odds for success.

When it comes time for that first date, don't panic. Try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach and concentrate on having a good time. Consider the following bits of advice for ensuring that you and your date have a pleasant evening:

• Try to make plans that are fun and different, but keep it simple and don't plan for a whole day event. The first meeting should be casual, going out for coffee or a light lunch, perhaps.
• Be clear about the date, time and place you are to meet. Being on time is crucial if you are to make a good impression, so if you are unfamiliar with the location, get directions and leave a little early to allow for possibly getting lost.
• Even though you may be nervous, maintain your sense of humor. Good humor is both an ice breaker and (if all goes well ) an aphrodisiac
• After being on your own for so long you might be tempted to blurt out too much, too soon. Don't wear your heart of your sleeve. There are some things in your personal life that people don't need to know when they first meet you. Keep a positive attitude during conversation and don't dwell on past relationships.
• Don't focus the conversation all on yourself. Ask questions to show you have an interest in your date and his/her interests and views.
• Dress neatly and conservatively. Save your torn jeans, sweatshirts and sneakers for some other time.
• You can never be too cautious with someone you don't know well. Meet in a public place, with each of you taking your own vehicle. To be safe, it is always a good idea to inform a friend or relative of your plans and where you are going.

The most important advice of all is to relax and try not to feel that you are under any pressure. Treat any first date or casual meeting as a great opportunity to meet a new friend - nothing more, nothing less. If the two of you don't hit it off, don't worry. If at first you don't succeed…try, try again. Finding love is a lot like what is often said about the lottery. You can't win if you don't play.